Member-only story

**Weaponized Incompetence: A Stealthy Form of Emotional Abuse**

Lindsy Motley
2 min readOct 4, 2023

Emotional abuse comes in many shades, but one of the most elusive yet highly impactful forms is weaponized incompetence. This tactic might appear benign on the surface, but it’s a tool masterfully used by manipulators to erode the confidence of their victims.

Defining Weaponized Incompetence

Weaponized incompetence is when an individual purposely feigns or exaggerates their inability to perform tasks or responsibilities, forcing others to pick up their slack. It’s not mere forgetfulness or genuine inability; it’s a calculated move to shift responsibility and control the narrative.

Why It’s Infuriating

  1. **It’s a Responsibility Dodge**: The abuser deliberately shirks responsibility, placing the burden squarely on the victim’s shoulders.
  2. 2. **Creates Doubt**: The constant “I didn’t know” or “I can’t do it” can make the victim question their own expectations and often blame themselves for not explaining things sufficiently.
  3. 3. **Undermines the Victim**: This tactic can chip away at the victim’s self-esteem. If they’re always the one “in the know” or “able to handle it,” they may start to view themselves as overly demanding or controlling.

Examples for Better Understanding

  • Let’s say every time bills need to be paid, a partner claims they “just can’t understand” online banking…

--

--

Lindsy Motley
Lindsy Motley

No responses yet